June 2011
9 posts
June 22nd
awful days behind. hopefully some good ones are ahead.
June 14th
today is definitely not my day. yesterday my boyfriend and i decide we are going for a coffee since we haven’t saw each other for a long time because of my school and the fact i have to study a lot. well we went. and it started great. we were happy to see each other and everything. but then it started. it wasn’t a fight but more of a conversation. it was about him smoking weed and me...
Help!
does anybody have any advice on how to start running? i m totally out of shape so i can’t just go and run for ages. i think i can’t even run for 15 minutes straight :/
June 9th
yeah.. i don’t know what to do. i really don’t. i started to take birth control pills few days ago and somehow i gain weight. and it’s not like i’ve been eating more than usual. nope. and today i only ate two eggs and a peace of bread and i still weight the same - TO MUCH! this is not normal at all! and i drink only water and coffee without any sugar and i am still gaining...
June 4th
i just spent two amazing days. my boyfriend came to my house and spent the night :) but now he is gone and i already miss him.
my big plan for tomorrow is to study really hard. we’ll see if i can do that. i really hope so.
Shit
i just weighted myself. fuck! i gain weight and i don’t even know why. ughhhhh… i hate myself!
June 1st
i don’t even know where i have my head. really. there is so much i have to study and so little time. and i have to work really hard. i have to. but i don’t. not as much as i can. i am lazy. and this laziness can cost me my summer. i can’t let this happen. i have to study. now. ughhhhhhh -.-
May 2011
15 posts
May 29th
i don’t know what it is. but after i talked to my boyfriend this morning i feel sorta happy. i guess it’s the sun. weather kind of dictates my feelings. i don’t know why but darkness saddens me somehow.
oh and in the morning i weighted 53.0 kg. i was happy. i lost 0.5 kg. but than something triggered this enormous hunger and i just had to eat. i was feeling really...
....
it just crossed my mind - i REALLY want my collar bones to be sticking out. and my hip bones. but not too much. it would be lovely.
...
i just woke up. had these horrible dreams. i dreamt my boyfriend and i were breaking up. horrible. my mind is messing with me. again.
Good night
it’s midnight here and i am going to bed. hungry ^^ what a lovely feeling that is. i almost forgot about it.
I NEED to be skinny
but i lack willpower. shit.
4 tags
May 28th
mom pissed me off so i went for a long walk and when i came back i automatically checked facebook. and i normally don’t check my boyfriend page but this time i did it. and totally regret doing it. i saw he will be going to some festival in june. and i just stopped breathing. my heart started hurting and my mind started to show me images of him being high and doing really stupid things. i...
4 tags
Hello there...
so…
here i am. starting to write a diary or something. starting to learn how to put all my thoughts on paper. well not paper, but you get what i mean. i am somehow afraid. afraid of not being able to form my thought. something that happens to me a lot. but i think this will be easier than to tell somebody because sometimes i think about stuff that would hurt others feelings and this is not...